Is It Better To Have Lived And Lost Then To Have Never Lived At All?

Sorry for the lack of updates recently, not really been in the mood to write on the blog. That’s not to say that I’ve been feeling down or anything, just sometimes find I need to be in the right frame of mind to write anything on here, I guess its a combination of that and being lazy :p

Haven’t done toooo much recently, played football in some kind of freak weather storm the other day, was completely soaked through but I kind of don’t mind being out and doing stuff when the weather is a bit mental. Kind of makes me feel like people aren’t as interested in you, they are more busy trying to avoid the rain or something. It was the same when it was snowing as well, found that people were generally more happy and relaxed when the snow was around. Yesterday I went to a friends house which was nice, even though he only really asked me other because he had trouble with his Internet and knows I’m a bit of a geek! I couldn’t fix it but was nice to get out and stuff. Was annoying because was hoping to drive (don’t really drive much so is good when I do, both for my confidence and for the car lol) but it had a flat battery again (due to my neglect no doubt) and so had to walk. Usually I’d be quite annoyed if I felt someone was using me, but in this case I wasn’t too fussed because he’s invited me over before lots and I usually don’t bother as I find I get a bit bored. That’s not me being rude at all though, I think its my own fault that I get bored – I don’t tend to talk much and so it does get boring just sitting around watching TV. I think if I didn’t have my social anxiety disorder then I would have enjoyed being around my friends more and they would probably enjoy my company more. Today was quite a busy day although I was in the most of it – I was doing some mushroom work which ended up taking hours and also I did my weekly exercise routine :)

I’ve still got an itch to get away and go travelling, I don’t think its ever going to go away until I’ve actually been and done it. I’m pretty sure it could get rid of my social anxiety disorder due to making me more confident and independent. I hope I’m not going on about it too much or dreaming something that’s never going to happen. Or I hope that I don’t end up going and just being a bit of a recluse in a different country! Anyway I know its better to have no regrets so its something I know I will do. The only thing that is holding me back right now is someone to go with. I know people do go alone and they recommend it, but I just don’t think I can on my own. I want to find someone to go with me, not a friend but someone else who wants to travel. That’s what I’m trying to do at the moment, when I’ve found someone to go with then I’ll be ready! This was kind of what my blog title was about btw – is it better to have lived and lost then to have never lived at all… I was just thinking how I could live like I currently do and live until I’m 80 or whatever and have a not so enjoyable life, or I could live an amazing outgoing life and be hit by a bus crossing the road and die when I’m 30. I’m just thinking how its better to have lived a happy and exciting life then to have worried about things so much and never really found happiness. Will update the blog a bit sooner next time hopefully!