Friday 30 January 2009

Getting A Blank Mind When Put Under Pressure

As I’ve said before on previous posts of this blog, one of the funny things with Social Anxiety Disorder is that people seem to relate to so many things. For example, when I was first finding out about SA I went to the SA UK forum and read a few interesting posts just to see if I could relate to any of it, which meant that I would probably have SA. Anyway, I saw a post from someone saying that they seem to get a blank mind when put under pressure – say someone approached them in the street and asked something out of the blue, this persons mind would go completely blank and they wouldn’t really know the correct answer (without guessing).

I looked at some of the symptoms of Social Anxiety Disorder and surely enough, getting a blank-mind when put under pressure was one of the symptoms. This was something else that led me to believe that I definitely have a form of SA – years ago when I worked at a supermarket part-time whilst I was at college I would get approached by customers asking me where things were. Sometimes I would be fine and would remember where things were, but other times I would feel as if my mind has gone completely blank – and not really know the answer. At the time I thought I was just being a bit thick really, and that I was forgetful or just really bad with customers. I guess I was really bad with most customers, but at least I know that it was (hopefully) mainly because of having social anxiety.

It may sound like another weird thing to explain to someone without SA or who hasn’t heard of SA but it does just feel like having your mind completely washed. Even one time I remember talking with a colleague about something that I was extremely knowledgeable on – and this was someone I was quite comfortable talking with, but when they asked me a very very easy question about something my mind went and I couldn’t answer. Its a very strange, uncomfortable feeing, and very frustrating when you know its something that is so simple and yet you seem so struggle so much under pressure. I would hate to see myself on a program like Who Wants To Be A Millionaire! I wouldn’t even be able to answer the questions that I did know!

Thursday 29 January 2009

Trouble Making Eye Contact

This is a bit of a random post today but I just thought I’d write a little about my own experiences regarding eye contact – or lack of it. I just seem to struggle making eye contact for long periods of time with most people. I mean, I can look at people directly in their eye but if they are talking for a long time then I start to struggle a little.

It may sound quite strange to read this if you don’t have social anxiety disorder – eye contact is just one of the many things I guess you do naturally, without having to think about it too much. You just do it as an instinct whereas I think lots of people with SA seem to struggle with most kinds of eye contact.

I remember years ago at a parents evening at school, I was having a talk with one of my teachers and later my mum said how that I should really try to maintain eye contact more often. I knew that I struggled with it – I just sometimes find it awkward because it feels as if I’m staring at them, which is something which I don’t want to do – and so I look away at times. I’m aware that I do it, but I just find it hard to keep eye contact without worrying that I’m staring or acting strangely. Its quite a hard feeling to explain, but I think if you suffer from social anxiety disorder then its probably just one of many things that you relate to.

Anyway I had a good day today, did some work from home and then went out to help a friend with some outdoors work. Very cold but nice to get out and about, earned a little money from it too. I really love working outside, I think thats partly why I’m unhappy with working from home doing what I do currently. I love being more involved with nature, and not just using a computer, which seems to be completely at the opposite end of the scales when compared with outdoors work!

Wednesday 28 January 2009

More About Me And Social Anxiety Disorder

Just thought I’d give a bit more information about me and about Social Anxiety Disorder in this, the second (proper) post of my blog.

When I found out about SA, I kind of felt a bit relieved that it was actually a condition. I mean, it is curable and it wasn’t just something that I felt I had imagined – the feelings that I have are actually real, and they are caused by SA (which is something that is caused by me, I guess, due to my thoughts and thinkings).

One of the things that I’ve come to realise is that the majority of people I know with SA seem to be unable to pinpoint a moment in their life when they felt that they were suddenly struck with a sudden shyness, or with SA. I think its just one of those things that develops and some people can manage to shake it off whilst others seem unable to do so, and seem to get progressively worse. I myself can’t think of a time where I felt I suddenly turned extremely shy, or unhappy, but I think that generally I was happy and not so self-conscious when I was around 13 years old. I don’t think anything inparticular brought it on, I think I’m just a quite naturally shy person in general, and that SA has kind of developed from my shyness.

Anyway, today I just did some work (I am self-employed and work from home, which is very handy for me, considering my SA) and watched some TV, not very exciting I know. I have had “normal” jobs before, but quit a few and was laid off another time which was out of my hands really. After I was laid off I started to work from home on my computer, and this is still what I do today. I know of some SA people who feel they can’t go out and get a job, so I feel lucky that I can do what I do. I do realise that its all too easy to get into a kind of comfort zone though, so I try to push myself to go out more and not just work all the time, which would suit my SA.

Hopefully I’ll start uploading some links to some more useful SA resources that I’ve found recently, such as getting over social anxiety books and websites :)

Monday 26 January 2009

Me and my social anxiety blog

Thanks for taking a look at my blog, hopefully you will find it interesting or helpful, maybe at times entertaining although I doubt it :-p

I’ll try and explain a bit about me and my social anxiety disorder, and the reason that I’ve set up this blog.

I was watching a TV program on BBC1 called Horizon – How Mad Are You? It was basically a kind of “big-brother” but with some people who have a mental illness and some “normal” people. The people in the TV show would have to perform tasks, and there would be 3 experienced psychologists who would watch the footage and try and decide which ones showed signs of mental illness and which ones seemed to not show any signs of being mentally ill.

Anyway in one of these tasks the people had to one-at-a-time stand up in front of a small group of strangers in a pub and perform stand-up comedy for about 10 minutes. It was said that this task was to establish if any of the people showed signs of social anxiety disorder. The people that had SAD might show signs of extreme nervousness and might really dread the performance. I kind of knew that it was very likely that this was something I had, after they went into a bit more detail about social anxiety disorder (disliking talking in front of people, feeling very self-conscious, etc).

I went on to a few websites to do a little research and found some interesting and useful sites, one of which is a forum which many people who suffer from SAD currently use. It’s really nice to be able to talk to people who suffer from the same thing, and its quite re-assuring to hear stories of other people who have social anxiety disorder. It makes me feel less silly, if that makes sense. The forum can be located here: Social Anxiety Discussion

I decided that it might be good for me to create a blog about my dealings with social anxiety disorder, and just generally about my life. Not because I think of myself as an interesting or glamour-seeking person, but I just feel that it might help to keep a kind of diary and it might be helpful to fellow SAD sufferers :)

Social Anxiety Disorder

Welcome to the first post of my blog all about social anxiety disorder.